Although I have taken utmost care but this post is still written in an angry mode with the parents. Everyday, I feel more and more lucky that I was born as a girl rather than a guy. :)
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Things change with time, it is inevitable. Someday you feel extremely lucky to have something and later you realize that you’re not so lucky after all. What you mistake for a blessing; is just a ‘blesscoated’ curse.
As a girl, born in a middle class family in a small village in Haryana, I was the first ‘next generation child’ of my family. The day I was born, my grandfather’s happiness had no bounds. My family celebrated it the same way as they would have, had it been a boy in my place. I have heard it a million times that I was and still am the most beloved child in the family, and that has always made me proud and happy. But do you see the ‘blesscoated’ curse? I never realized the unfortunateness of my situation. I was born in a world where parents don’t/can’t even celebrate the birth of their baby girl with the same happiness as they do a boy’s.
My parents care for me more than they do for my brother. When I started my studies in a school that was far away from my home, they bought a car so that I won’t have to travel in buses. When I joined college that was 600 kms from my home, my dad used to pick up and drop me back to the hostel for two whole years before I finally forced him to not do that anymore. They might skip calling my brother once in a while but they call me everyday; and its been more than 5 years since I started living away from home. I always thought they love me more. No, they do love me a lot, but they love us both equally. The difference is that they are just more concerned for me because I am more prone to danger. They are ‘forced’ to care more for me. It might seem like a blessing that they care more for me but actually it is a curse for them because they are ‘forced’ to. This is why even though my family never differentiated between me and my brother, I call myself a victim of the patriarchal society.
Why is it that the life of a girl is a curse? It’s so bad that if you hate someone you can just curse that person to be born as a girl in THIS society and believe me if the parents aren't supportive of her wishes either, she will suffer the worst that anyone possibly can.
Even getting born is so difficult for a girl considering the ‘loving parents’ who prefer a boy to a girl. Right from the beginning, a girl is brought up with so many restrictions. She is taught not to be open to guys, ignore the eve teasers and not be out late in the night. Never once have I heard a parent preaching their sons about not to tease girls, respect them and in general not do any wrong to them. A girl is taught not to wear skirts, a guy is never taught not to ogle. A girl is taught to talk in a low volume but not a guy. I have lot of other examples but I think you’ve got the point.
The family in which she is born is not considered her own because she has to marry and live in a new home with an entirely new family. She can’t take care of her parents because she has to care for her husband’s parents. She has to move to her husband’s home. There she’s burdened with responsibilities, which she embraces with courage. Right from bearing children to taking care of the whole family, and at times even earning for the family too, she handles it all. And after all this, any parents you talk to would worry about their daughter’s marriage, never their son’s. She is the burden of the family. A girl handles the earning, the love and the young ones all on her own and its still she who is the worry of the parents. Even after such a low sex ratio, it’s still the girl whose marriage worries a parent, even if the girl is qualified, intelligent, working and good looking. And on top of all that, it’s the girl’s family that has to give the dowry so that a ‘nice’ boy with a ‘nice’ family marries her. Right from childhood, a girl is brought up with these ‘values’ inculcated into her mind. Even I as a girl, sometimes talk about stuff which is really a thought of a pure patriarchal society.
God also played a wicked irony while creating women. In my opinion, a woman has been given three main traits that makes her opposite and vulnerable to a man. She is physically weaker than a man so in primitive times she couldn’t feed the family and that’s why she became the dependent one, she bears the child and therefore even if she is raped it’s the girl who has become 'unpure' and is looked down upon and the last, but not the least is that she is more emotional and therefore she adjusts to the huge male ego just because she loves and cares. I just keep thinking that has any of those chauvinistic males realized what would their condition have been if it the discrimination had been the other way round!!
To the dear parents and the respected elders, you worship goddess Durga. You consider daughters to be her form on earth. How would you show your faces to goddess Durga and ask her for her blessing when you behave in this manner with her form on earth? Its high time you teach your sons some manners and humanity because otherwise even if girls start wearing burkha and remain inside the four walls of the house, they’d still get raped. You will have to worry for your daughter’s dowry until you stop asking for the dowry when your son gets married. Do not judge a girl's character by her short skirt, judge a guy's character by his behaviour to that girl. Please look at your sons before you start taking away the freedom of your daughter like she is some kind of a gold coin that is to be kept safe in the locker. Not bringing her to this world is not the solution to the problem. Giving her the freedom and respect that she deserves is the right solution.
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Things change with time, it is inevitable. Someday you feel extremely lucky to have something and later you realize that you’re not so lucky after all. What you mistake for a blessing; is just a ‘blesscoated’ curse.
As a girl, born in a middle class family in a small village in Haryana, I was the first ‘next generation child’ of my family. The day I was born, my grandfather’s happiness had no bounds. My family celebrated it the same way as they would have, had it been a boy in my place. I have heard it a million times that I was and still am the most beloved child in the family, and that has always made me proud and happy. But do you see the ‘blesscoated’ curse? I never realized the unfortunateness of my situation. I was born in a world where parents don’t/can’t even celebrate the birth of their baby girl with the same happiness as they do a boy’s.
My parents care for me more than they do for my brother. When I started my studies in a school that was far away from my home, they bought a car so that I won’t have to travel in buses. When I joined college that was 600 kms from my home, my dad used to pick up and drop me back to the hostel for two whole years before I finally forced him to not do that anymore. They might skip calling my brother once in a while but they call me everyday; and its been more than 5 years since I started living away from home. I always thought they love me more. No, they do love me a lot, but they love us both equally. The difference is that they are just more concerned for me because I am more prone to danger. They are ‘forced’ to care more for me. It might seem like a blessing that they care more for me but actually it is a curse for them because they are ‘forced’ to. This is why even though my family never differentiated between me and my brother, I call myself a victim of the patriarchal society.
Why is it that the life of a girl is a curse? It’s so bad that if you hate someone you can just curse that person to be born as a girl in THIS society and believe me if the parents aren't supportive of her wishes either, she will suffer the worst that anyone possibly can.
Even getting born is so difficult for a girl considering the ‘loving parents’ who prefer a boy to a girl. Right from the beginning, a girl is brought up with so many restrictions. She is taught not to be open to guys, ignore the eve teasers and not be out late in the night. Never once have I heard a parent preaching their sons about not to tease girls, respect them and in general not do any wrong to them. A girl is taught not to wear skirts, a guy is never taught not to ogle. A girl is taught to talk in a low volume but not a guy. I have lot of other examples but I think you’ve got the point.
The family in which she is born is not considered her own because she has to marry and live in a new home with an entirely new family. She can’t take care of her parents because she has to care for her husband’s parents. She has to move to her husband’s home. There she’s burdened with responsibilities, which she embraces with courage. Right from bearing children to taking care of the whole family, and at times even earning for the family too, she handles it all. And after all this, any parents you talk to would worry about their daughter’s marriage, never their son’s. She is the burden of the family. A girl handles the earning, the love and the young ones all on her own and its still she who is the worry of the parents. Even after such a low sex ratio, it’s still the girl whose marriage worries a parent, even if the girl is qualified, intelligent, working and good looking. And on top of all that, it’s the girl’s family that has to give the dowry so that a ‘nice’ boy with a ‘nice’ family marries her. Right from childhood, a girl is brought up with these ‘values’ inculcated into her mind. Even I as a girl, sometimes talk about stuff which is really a thought of a pure patriarchal society.
God also played a wicked irony while creating women. In my opinion, a woman has been given three main traits that makes her opposite and vulnerable to a man. She is physically weaker than a man so in primitive times she couldn’t feed the family and that’s why she became the dependent one, she bears the child and therefore even if she is raped it’s the girl who has become 'unpure' and is looked down upon and the last, but not the least is that she is more emotional and therefore she adjusts to the huge male ego just because she loves and cares. I just keep thinking that has any of those chauvinistic males realized what would their condition have been if it the discrimination had been the other way round!!
To the dear parents and the respected elders, you worship goddess Durga. You consider daughters to be her form on earth. How would you show your faces to goddess Durga and ask her for her blessing when you behave in this manner with her form on earth? Its high time you teach your sons some manners and humanity because otherwise even if girls start wearing burkha and remain inside the four walls of the house, they’d still get raped. You will have to worry for your daughter’s dowry until you stop asking for the dowry when your son gets married. Do not judge a girl's character by her short skirt, judge a guy's character by his behaviour to that girl. Please look at your sons before you start taking away the freedom of your daughter like she is some kind of a gold coin that is to be kept safe in the locker. Not bringing her to this world is not the solution to the problem. Giving her the freedom and respect that she deserves is the right solution.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heAw4z71lvo&feature=fvwrel
ReplyDeletePS : I don't think you can call such kind of an argument necessarily 'feminist'. And yes, I completely agree : Sons SHOULD atleast be taught never to dare to get out of line with a girl, if not treated with equal restraint. Perhaps some day the society will come to terms with it.